Just to be quite honest, sometimes motherhood is the most exhausting experience. And believe it or not, occasionally during that experience, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You have to really squint to see it, but you're too tired to even try.
Today was one of those days. And it's only 3:20.
From 6 am till a little past 2:30 this afternoon, Bailey has been awake and in full force. She stops for nothing. Now this is not where you tell me about your child who sleeps until 9 and naps 4 hours. Okay? Don't even consider it. You may lose your head. Seriously.
Bailey is a very precocious child. She's sharp as a tack and out to see the world and discover all of its mystery. I admire that, I really do. I love that about her, but sometimes, I wish she'd leave at least one or two stones right side up.
I don't get to shower alone, ever, or even enjoy my showers, and I've come to terms with that. But every now and then, I'd really like the pleasure of going to the bathroom without having to say the word "no" fifty-eight thousand times or have something spilled, broken, or damaged. Today could've been that day. At least I thought it could've. She demanded I put Monsters Inc in the DVD player. Maybe she'd even watch it. I was okay with that for I needed to use the bathroom for a few minutes. Alone.
I heard her laughing and I really thought it was due to the movie. I did. She always laughs at that. I came out of the bathroom and she had her pants and diaper off (no big shocker, really) but something new was added to her look today. Something I didn't put there. Something Mommy would NEVER have done. Bailey's leg was covered in red permanent ink.
I was so upset I can't even quite remember to what degree. Seriously. But then she had it on her shirt! Oh man, I could've torn through Vietnamese villages at that point. I really could've. I'd had that outfit on her for maybe TWELVE minutes. I was dressing her for a mini photo shoot. The most darling oriental clothing and the shirt is covered in RED. I was seeing red. I was out to kill. For a mere second, I could've been on George Bush's side. I was that willing to hurt people.
It doesn't stop there. As I'm holding back that urge to smack her (and I'm being honest, so don't try to play the martyr), I see that the red doesn't end on her legs or shirt. Oh no. It's gone much further. I was livid. Furious. Beyond angry.
I never spanked her, but I wanted to. I really wanted to. You can glare at me or laugh, or whatever it is that you people do, but I wanted to spank her and I wanted to leave. I was angry because this is what happened with going to the bathroom. You have no idea the few times I have gone to the bathroom ALONE (finally) has gotten me. I never leave the bathroom and come back to something good. It makes me reconsider why I'd ever think about it.
What about a playpen? What about her bed? You're joking right? She got out of contraptions like that ages ago. I doubt even a straight jacket could hold this child. I could've used one earlier though.
I threatened to take pictures of her half naked body covered in ink, but I prefer taking photos when I'm enjoying my child. I've never had to use photography in a vengeful way before, and I didn't start today. I was far too angry. I considered it, I even had the camera, and I did take a few later while I was scrubbing, but it would've been best the moment I found her. You would've seen what I saw.
I searched endlessly for that darn marker. I found it in her room on top of her huge stuffed dog. Luckily, the dog wasn't injured. But her rocking horse was and some blocks. But her legs got the worst of it. After a severe scrubbing in the bath tub (her second bath), her legs still have scribbling. They really look like a work of Picasso.
By tomorrow, the hutch drawers that were to be latched since 5 months ago, they will most certainly be latched. But now is not the time to place blame. Now is not the time to see more red spots in my eyes.
I am to enjoy the fact that she's finally asleep for it is to be a long day still.
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