Despite the humor that speaks to me from the title of this post, there's very little that's funny about the subject. And I wasn't laughing earlier when it happened either. In fact, I'm still not laughing.
Bailey was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because that's one of the only meals her body is capable of eating (at least according to her) and all of a sudden she started choking. We have to get after her for eating smaller bites CONSTANTLY when it comes to a lunch or dinner at home because while it can take as long as an hour and a half to eat breakfast (and I'm seriously not exaggerating) or forever and a day when we're eating in public (and that's only barely an exaggeration), she can't finish it fast enough when it's a lunch at home. Do you want to know why? Because Daddy has taught her that if you eat you get dessert, and boy does she want that dessert.
Well, if you're following, she was choking a bit so I used that tone as I said, "eat carefully, please," and witnessed her gag up something onto her plate on what she eating. Gross, I know. I was agitated with her actions until I realized, she was really choking. Seriously choking. I scooped her up, got after her some more as I truly was only trying to convince myself it wasn't that bad and no way, no how would she cough whatever it was up completely. She just kept gagging. And then she wasn't really doing anything except trying to make a sound and not looking like her normal self.
I'm an incredibly high strung person in case you've never noticed, and just like most people, it's not hard for me to want to panic in a chaotic situation. Luckily, there's those many gears turning in my head, the ones that over analyze even the simplest of subjects and I told myself I couldn't lose it because there wasn't time for that. I didn't know what to do. Beating to oblivion on her back wasn't working. My half attempt at the Heimlich produced no results. Crying in a corner wasn't an option. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do, I stuck my fingers down her throat. I mean, she was gagging anyway, what was the worst that was going to happen? She was struggling for breath.
Those darn tonsils made it difficult to do anything. And they felt like they were what was causing it, as I do think some peanut butter was covering one of them. That helped a bit but it scared her. She was still gagging and now barely breathing (although it was an improvement from her purple faced expression from before) so I made a phone call to someone with experience because I knew an ambulance couldn't help me as urgent as this situation was. I was trying to figure out what I was missing, what option I was missing. Bailey kept saying there was more there (between heavy gags) but I couldn't find it.
Against given advice, I had her take sips of water and spit it into the toilet. Swish and spit. Swish and spit. At least it was involving Bailey and keeping her from further anxiety. The poor kid was not her pillar of strength self. Finally, I discovered a clump of peanut butter on the roof of her mouth and I mean clump. She had been convinced it was puke still in her mouth, which is what was causing her to continue gagging. I'm wondering if when I was digging it out of the back of her throat, if I accidentally pushed some of it towards the roof of her mouth without noticing.
I was perfectly calm the entire time, even if that's hard for you to believe. I know it's hard for me to believe. I'm a problem solver, so I solved the problem, and as soon as it was solved I could finally react. My hands now took the time to shake and my heart could race like it had wanted to all along. I worried if I'd left bruises on her back. And I'll be honest, I held Bailey and cried briefly, but mostly out of gratitude that she was fine. Once she was okay and had a new sandwich, I don't think I've ever seen her eat a sandwich so slowly in my life.
As uncomfortable as it is for me to relive this, I'm writing it anyway so I'll remember it just in case my mind tries to pretend it never happened. The brain can do crazy things, you know. Trauma.
Oh and by the way, I hope you weren't eating anything while reading this. Just eat smaller bites, would you?
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