I think it's quite common while on this adventure of Motherhood to encounter (or be attacked by) advice. Okay, so at least for me it's been incredibly common. This "friendly" advice is rarely indeed friendly and it almost always feels like torture, the slow, death-defying kind. It's so inhumane, it should've been outlawed ages ago but because it usually comes from those of the older, wiser (cough) mindset, it's supposed to be welcomed with open arms, instead of daggers. And you're not even allowed to defend yourself either, thus the inhumane torture...
If you know what I mean, keep reading. If you're one of these helpful people who give me "needed" advice constantly, you can stop at any point now because you're probably going to get offended, which means later, I'm going to hear about it from you. To avoid you having an anxiety attack and me grinding my teeth during a lecture, let's just stop now, okay?
(Honestly, I highly doubt those people even know this blog exists, but it was fun to mention it anyway.)
On Monday, I was speaking to a woman and somewhere in the conversation entered Bailey and then my mistake of saying, "No, she'll be our only child." I think also in there was a slight insult at the fact I stay at home with my child, but she can seriously just....(okay...friendly blog, right). She decided it was up to her superhero powers to challenge my statement that Bailey would be my only child. That's fine, do what you want. But in there, she made the mistake of saying, "have you ever considered what you're doing to that poor child?" Yeah, I think I hemorrhaged at "poor child," too.
Now this person barely knows me, obviously. Also, please note, this wasn't online, via e-mail, or even on the phone. There was no ability to make hand gestures or nasty facial expressions without creating a scene. I couldn't hold in my laughter without her seeing me do so. I couldn't pretend to stab the phone. I couldn't be discrete with my objections and hold tact. I didn't even allow myself to roll my eyes. My options were definitely limited.
She went further when telling me how cruel it is, because when both her parents died, at least she had her seven siblings, and especially the elder ones to look after her. "Who would your child have? Have you considered that? And I'm not meaning other relatives." I gave her my answer, to which she didn't like, and she made the mistake in asking me, "Are you even listening to yourself?"
Yes, this was an undeniably brave woman and had we not been in public, I'm not sure how I would've controlled what came out of my mouth. Luckily, we were interrupted, and later, once she realized I was not the age I appeared to be, somehow, her mission to change my mind was not as high a priority. Being older does have its advantages, even if I am just six or so more years older than she had made the mistake in assuming.
She did tell me though that I was ensuring "she is going to be a very bratty child." Going to be? HA!! I told her though when she said, "I'm not trying to change your mind," that she couldn't if she wanted to and that it is our right as human beings to make our decisions as long as we're willing to live with them and accept the consequences. This wasn't something we went into blindly nor decided on a whim. She acted as though I'd smacked her, and I thought to myself how she was fortunate I didn't speak out earlier. Her proof was her ability to mention her "clinical psychologist" niece and how her niece thinks it's bad for children to be an only child, as though her niece's opinion should have startled me into changing my life completely. (Feel free to laugh.) She also shut up entirely and stopped questioning me when she found out Rob's age. Suddenly, when you find out a man is 37 and he feels like he does on the topic...suddenly that opinion is strong enough?
Believe it or not, this woman is typically quite pleasant; a gem even. And if I could live with being berated by an aunt excessively on my decision to start weaning breastfeeding at a year (she thought I should do it until Bailey no longer wanted it, even if she's five or older), my decision to NOT cosleep, and give me hell over having a Cesarean (um...the doctor made the decision?) then I guess I can look at this woman again without considering strangling her. As for the Aunt, I highly doubt she reads this, and if she does...she knows she did it and if she's offended, well...darn.
I had a professor at Emporia (I had him twice actually) and in both classes, he told us of a study that stated that childrne who were only children were actually more well-adjusted than children with siblings. This goes against what most people believe, but it has a lot to do with children sharing attention, competition among siblings, and of course, most importantly, time. Our decision wasn't based on this study, but this study did help confirm to us that maybe something was on our side, not that we needed the confirmation. (It was mostly so we could say, "SEE!!!!!") Of course, this woman didn't trust the study, because her niece is a CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST (and I'm laughing as I type this, okay?) and she thinks more children in a family the better. To each their own. You can believe what you want. I don't find anything wrong with either setting. I wanted one child, I have one child, my one child is pretty awesome. I honestly couldn't handle more than one of her because that's just how awesome she is. If you've met her, you probably understand my statement. She has the energy of six children and the precocity of nine. Yeah, she's THAT awesome.
And as you laugh with me or identify with me, or just shake your head wondering what was wrong with the advice that lovely woman gave me and why I didn't change my mind...just note: Advice...it's hardly free...and it's rarely useful, but I'm sure there's more to come.
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