This is why we don't watch CSI

As far back as I can remember, even before our redhead was a crawler, Bailey has been interested in drama. And I don't mean the theatrical version. I mean arguing on the television set. Dramatic music. Murder scenes. Dramatic flashback sequences. And as soon as we noticed this dark side in her, we became professional channel switchers. And during all of that discovering, we stopped watching our favorite shows. It wasn't worth all the extra psychiatrist appointments later on in life. We were going to have enough of that the way it was. And is.

And this continues even more to this day. We were at Grandma and Grandpa's house one evening and Grandma was flipping through the plethora of channels their super duper Cable has and landed on Desperate Housewives. Drama galore there. Neither one of us were watching it, it was just on as we were talking about other nonsense and then we happened to notice Bailey, glued to the chaos on the big screen. Grandma instantly switched the channel, without anyone asking her to. It's instinct, I think.

Well, this morning, I was finally sitting on the couch for a second and started flipping channels. I don't watch a lot of television, so I flipped a bit, got bored, and just ignored whatever channel it landed on, per usual. I glanced up, saw that a show was just starting, a CSI: New York episode, and switched the channel to Nickelodeon. I then almost instantaneously hear, "But I want to watch the dead guy."

I was a bit flabbergasted, honestly. What do you say to that? And it was the best episode for her, let me tell you. A guy was in a cemetery looking at some headstone with a television screen embedded into it. Then he started dripping blood. Now, if you don't know our redhead, she's all about cemeteries and dripping blood. Grossly so. I explained to her this isn't a show to watch, but she disagreed.

Now what happened next was when it became difficult for me to turn the channel a fourth time. Right after the dead guy was on the screen, they started searching the crime scene and noticed there was no bullet. Now I asked again to turn the channel, for yet another attempt and my Bailey says, "Not yet. I have to find the bullet first."

Bailey was no longer interested in the blood, she was now enthralled in investigating the crime like a miniature Sherlock Holmes. And once the lab was involved, two seconds later, the scientific element was enlightening her. She is our little scientist, so I almost felt like maybe she could handle this, even if I as a parent could not.

And then they introduced yet another crime. As soon as they had a naked body wrapped in satin sheets on the screen, I was turning the channel, which was conveniently at the moment they uttered the words, "kinky sex." Bailey wanted it back on and I was crossing my fingers they'd gone back to the lab, but no. I was desperate to get this channel turned without creating a household version of World War III, so I offered to put a movie on. Bailey was willing. She wanted to watch Monsters Inc. If only I was fast enough...

There was blood in the victim's ear and something even more interesting to Bailey. She wanted to know what it was, and answered her own question, "whatever it is, it's disgusting." I'm hiding my face in sheer guilt as she gets even more excited over the fact that a spider laid eggs inside the girl's ear. All that went through my head: Great, I'm never going to get the channel turned and a movie in now.

The drama ensued and I eventually convinced Bailey to watch a movie but not without her adding, "I don't think we ever found the bullet."


I'm never switching the channel from Disney or Nickelodeon ever again.

A Special Thanks to Grandpa and Grandma

I would like to take this time to add a special thank-you to Grandpa and Grandma for two very different and separate reasons.


First, I must thank Grandpa for the photo he e-mailed of Daddy with Bailey and Kona on his lap. Something weird must have happened like the moons crossing or something, alien abduction, whatever, because I didn't bring my camera that day. In fact, I've been doing a lot of that lately, or lack thereof.

Anyhow, Grandpa I thank you for taking that picture on Thanksgiving and sending it to me.

Now I need to thank Grandma for her own gifts and thoughts. Tonight, I was reminded of your guidance and teachings to our little redhead. We feel we need to publicly thank you for Bailey's new found talent of blowing straw wrappers off. Thank you for gracing our child with your knowledge and tutelage. Our manners in public fast food establishments have certainly been enlightened, and thank you for making us rethink our need to inhabit such places. We really mean it. Honest.

We never want to take either of you for granted. So please know the two of you are much appreciated, just for different reasons.

Toddlerhood

Bailey and I headed out for preschool this morning and Fudge was sleeping peacefully on the couch, rolled into this tiny little ball in the corner against a pillow, looking sweeter than she is awake, and so Bailey and I left. I really didn't want to wake the little thing just to put her in her kennel. How mean would that be? Well, I realized I forgot my cell phone so I left the car warming with a strapped in redhead (don't judge, I was quick) and the cute ball of fluff was no longer on the couch. So I think nothing of it and turn my head to grab my cell phone off the table and what did my wandering eyes see? A furry little rat of a dog ON THE DINING ROOM TABLE. One look at me and she exited stage left...and then my arms swiftly grabbed her, stuck in her in cage and I myself exited with my phone, actually relieved I had almost forgotten it.



Sure, this face is cute. But don't let it fool you. Don't make the same mistakes that I do. Don't get me wrong, she is adorable. Freakishly so. And when she's sleeping? Oh, watch out. You'll coo in delight just to spite your I-hate-small-dog-philosophies. Well, if you're anything like me and don't typically like small dogs.

I think I've conveniently forgotten at times what having a toddler was like. I told myself I wouldn't, just to keep me from ever going through it again, and I knew I'd never go through it again. And then we adopted Fudge. Despite her canine features, we really had the second child we swore we'd never have. And we've had to enter toddlerhood all over again, even though we boasted we never would.

And then there are the cute days where she's curled up on the couch, and we instantly forget how much trouble she is. And it makes up for all the wrongdoings from the past 24 hours, including persistent and sneaky behaviors.



But we more than got even. We took her to have her stitches out from her spaying.

That should teach her...or not.

Hannah Montana, I'm not sure I like you

And I'm not sure why all children like you either.

It's not like you've done anything wrong, Hannah, or Miley. Whatever your name is today. And your show is kind of cute, at least the clips of it I've seen. But I'm not sure that I like this whole pop icon worship thing that's going on. Yeah, it's not like it's anything new. And it's not like I wasn't in love with two out of five New Kids on the Block back in the day (all those many, many moons ago), but I'm not a child anymore. I'm a responsible, fairly level-headed adult...ha, who am I kidding? No one. Not a soul.

My concern Hannah, is that all these little girls are getting sparkles in their eyes looking at merchandise with your wig of hair on it instead of playing with real toys. Toys they played with before you became a billion dollar empire.

But I'm hardly a saint. I just bought a bunch of your overly-commercialized merchandise for a child off the Retail Giant's Salvation Army angel tree. But only because I got a really good deal on that awesome acoustic guitar and only because if children are going to get all gooey eyed over celebrity junk, I'd much rather it be your junk than Amy Winehouse's.

About the Photo

On Halloween, I shared a photo I had taken during that day and ever since, I've had people asking me a little about it. An explanation. Maybe some insight. Something.

Well, yes, I did take it myself. No, I didn't use any Photoshop tools on it. It's just a simple photo. Honest. I have no reason to lie to you.

Bailey and I had spent that day at the farm we often frequent when it's open during its annual season run, and we were fishing for the last time of the year (because that was its last day open of the season, and it will reopen in the spring). While fishing, this reflection, shadow was captured. So I'm sorry to disappoint, but it was not taken at night. It was not a creepy night scape. But it was fitting for Halloween. I'm glad you agree.

Just a normal, everyday household

Obviously.

Good thing we recycle

I promise you this isn't some guilt trip pushing the rest of you into extreme recycling. Honest. Instead, this is just a moment to tell you that yesterday, I was thanking my lucky stars that I do recycle. And probably not for reasons you might think. Or maybe you did think them. Either way.

I was taking bags of recyclables out to my car in order to make what sometimes feels like an unnecessary trip when I could just throw this stuff out in the trash can like anyone else (see, I'm human) and I saw that in my newspaper stash, there was one rolled paper that was still in its orange uniform. We didn't always get to the local paper, which may have to do with why last month when its six month subscription ran out, it took a while to notice. It wasn't uncommon for us to end up just instantly putting them into the newspaper stash for recycling. Well, it can't be recycled in its bag, so I took it out and removed the rubber band straitjacket, and it came unrolled and I saw something of interest. For whatever reason, I recognized someone by their scalp, or the possibly of recognizing them. You can check for yourself too. And the scalp I recognized wasn't the scalp you'd think.